I’ll tell you right now, everyone is going to go down that road of questioning their lives multiple times, multiple nights. I’m back to square one now and it’s a struggle. Being at work almost everyday, pretty much everyday, same old thing is getting to me. I just want to break free. It’s not easy getting older and everyone does need to preserve that childhood part inside of you to keep you whole especially how quickly these generations are changing.
But you can only change how things are for yourself. There will be days where you will just want to lay down and stay home watching movies and tv shoes, play videos games and what not. You also gotta get out there and breathe and take yourself out sometimes. Nothing is wrong with taking strolls outside by yourself, take your pictures, go get yourself dressed and look all nice by yourself.
I’m not gonna lie, I’ve lost my solitude for the past year. Relationships with people can get you lost, now I just gotta put myself first this time. Get myself together and start thinking of how I will be, what I want and need. I’ve been so attached, I end up feeling so empty without him around me but do feel refreshed as well with the times away we’re away from each other.
I gotta start making myself happy and gain my independence again
Here we go.
the older i get
the more i realize the value of privacy
of cultivating your circle and only letting certain people in
you can be open, honest, and real while still understanding not everyone deserves a seat at the table of your life
You will fall in love
with someone who is
not me and no matter
how much it hurts
I will be happy for you.
I will have hope that
this time things will
work out for you and
that this time your love
will not be taken for
granted. So when you
fall in love with someone
who is not me, I will
be happy for you. Even
though my heart knows
that I would be much
happier with you.
I know that I’m hard to love. Some days I’m all smiles and affection and then other days there’s nothing I want more than to be quiet and lie in bed.
Sometimes I get angry about stupid things and won’t want to talk to you. Other days I’ll think that you’re the most perfect person in the world.
Please don’t give up on me. I know it’s not easy but I’ll always come back to you."
—Letters to the next (I hope you try)
I think it’s happening again. I’ve been saying I want to hit rock bottom again to get back up but I feel like there is already too much going on…
I’ve been having trouble sleeping since my mom left to the Philippines and barely getting any rest is slowly getting to me. It’s hard to show or even say how I feel. I’m running out of people to vent to, I feel like I’m just going to look for attention. But it’s hard for me to even worry about myself, I feel like I don’t have time to fall apart.
I need him at moments like these and it kills me that I can’t. It hurts so fucking bad. I feel so at ease when I’m with him and when we part, I slowly weaken. I just want to hear his voice or just be wrapped in his arms for comfort. I miss being able to just let it all out whenever I needed to and he’d wipe my tears and hold me till I was alright. It hurts so much….
I’ll stay strong for myself and my mom. I’ll keep my head up for him and my fam.
I feel like I’ve forgotten what true solitude is like.
It’s getting to me…